A short story about writing, me and self love...

- Juli 26, 2020

Hey you, who's reading this.

I hope you're having a great day today. I wanted to take some time to just write...it might get a little confusing today but sometimes that's what makes the most sense in the moment (I'm writing this after midnight lol).

My last blogpost was a few weeks ago and honestly that makes me unmotivated. It makes me feel like I've failed at achieving whatever goal I had. I also don't journal every day anymore because my mind was wandering a lot and I couldn't get any clear thoughts. Writers block is a thing obviously but it makes me feel crappy. That might be because of astrology or whatever and me being a virgo or simply me being me and me being me being a person who plans a lot.

I always imagine perfect days and a perfect life. Most of the time there's just something blocking my way. Metaphorically and literally spoken. I write to do lists a lot and when I don't, I feel like I'm a mess or even broken. My mind keeps thinking about all the things I couldn't do rather than think about the things I did.

I can feel that writing is a form of expressing myself in a more poetic way if you like to put it that way. I've always been writing in some kind of way: journaling, songs, blogposts, instagram captions and even books. Sometimes I'd love to stop time and write a book. Then I remember that I cannot keep still for more than an hour at a time and I stop because writing a book is too unrealistic and I don't even know how to use proper grammar and stuff. In 5th grade I was always writing songs in German class because my teacher never noticed. At the end I always threw them away because I didn't think they were good enough. What if they were though? What if I could achieve all my goals simply by being persistent and staying on track at all costs.

WHY DO I THINK THIS WAY?

Why do I keep on thinking that whatever I do is not good enough? Is it because of my star sign, society or is it actually deep within my personality? I don't want to feel bad because I don't keep on doing things regularly. Sometimes you need a break from everything and other times you can totally pursue your dreams and your happiness by doing all the things you'd like to do. I should stop feeling bad and pity for myself but rather move on and just do it.

Writing is hard sometimes. It has a lot to do with whatever is going on inside your head. When you can't think clearly, you're most likely not going to write clearly and structured sentences. I still think that sometimes you just need to write it out. In the end, it's going to make way more sense. Not just the pages you're writing but your life and your thoughts in general. It can change your whole mindset.

See, it doesn't matter what and at what time of the day you write but I truly believe that it is crucial to write. Just let your thoughts go and follow the flow.

You can also apply this to other things. Reading, drawing, dancing, working out,... sometimes you don't really feel it but then it can make the most sense to just do it.

Don't be too harsh on yourself, follow your dreams, keep on pushing, do what you love and do it well, do good, get happy and take some time for yourself.

MORE OF MY THOUGHTS:

Thank you for reading my mind that's a mess right now.

Stay happy, stay you,