How I recognized a toxic relationship and ENDED IT!
Hello my Friends,
this blogpost will be a little more personal and serious. Before I even tell you anything about my story, I want to tell you what a toxic relationship looks like to me: It's not necessarily an abusive relationship - or at least not physically abusive. It's much more of an emotional abuse. Other people might not recognize it as toxic OR they could recognize it much earlier.
So here's my story:
I've been together with this guy for 13 months. We met in school, in Spanish class and he was like the "class clown". One day, mid-schoolyear he texted me on Facebook and immediately showed some interest in me. I was single and desperate at that point. He was a nice guy so we met up one day and on our first date he was really really nice and we talked about almost everything. One thing led to another and we made it official. It was my first relationship. Everything was fine, he had super nice parents and I still like his friends to this day (even though we're not really talking).
One day, he told me that he likes curvier girls - and when I say that I mean that he REALLY likes them. You see, I'm all about body positivity and loving your body the way it is but my ex literally forced me to eat unhealthy stuff. His vision for the future was that by the time we're married I'd weigh more than 200 KG.
I don't weigh myself regularly and I never had the healthiest lifestyle but he bought me tons of chocolate and chips that I should eat and even if I wasn't at his place, I should take the junk food home with me because he doesn't eat that.
And so I did. I ate the chocolates and I ate the chips and at one point I gained 10 kilos during our relationship. At one point, I started taking the chocolate to school and handing them out to my classmates and friends. I even threw away some (which I felt bad for because it was still good - just too much). I had to realize that NO ONE, not even my boyfriend is allowed to tell me what my body should look like.
That's part one, here comes part two:
My ex boyfriend yelled, a lot. He definitely has some major anger issues. He yelled at so many little things. (This might be TMI but ) Once I was on my period and I leaked a bit on his bedsheets and HE YELLED AT ME to change the bedsheets immediately. He yelled at me for having my period. He basically YELLED AT MY BODY functioning the way it should. It's not that I wouldn't have changed the bedsheets. It's the fact that HE YELLED AT ME. He always yelled at me. Or he yelled every time I was present. He got YELLED at his mom and even me for NOT COOKING PASTA THE WAY HE WANTED IT TO BE COOKED. (Like...what can go wrong with Pasta - besides it was not my kitchen and he didn't say please and thank you and I STILL COOKED IT FOR HIM)
Not only did he hate his parents but he even hated mine, without any specific reason. He never got to know my mother and somehow he didn't want anything to do with her (I mean YES, I was complaining about my parents from time to time but he didn't see it as a few complaints but rather as their personalities in total) He also hated my friends. He called them stupid and pathetic and to this day I still cannot understand why he did that.
Hating my friends is part of the next thing: he wanted to force me to quit my hobbies. That's something no one is allowed to force you to do. I get that my hobby was really time consuming and I understand that your boyfriend wants to spend time with you but he can't force you to quit something you enjoy doing because of that.
I was 17 when we started dating and at an early point in our relationship we had the "what-would-happen-if-I-got-pregnant"-discussion and he would've forced me to get an abortion and if I didn't want that he would leave and maybe even leave the country and quit all contact. In my opinion that should've been the first and last warning sign. If a guy can't deal with the possible consequences you shouldn't let him get that private time with you in the first place.
So here's a list of signs that showed ME that the relationship was toxic:
On my Instagram you can find a picture of me, at (almost) the end of our relationship and way later: I was happier, more confident and comfortable in my own skin.
I hope this more honest post can also help you, to share your story or maybe you are stuck in a similar situation. In that case I wish you the very best. You are worth so much!!!
It would be cool if you follow me on my social media pages:
YouTube
Twitter
Facebook
Tumblr
Instagram
Pinterest
Lots of love to all of you,
this blogpost will be a little more personal and serious. Before I even tell you anything about my story, I want to tell you what a toxic relationship looks like to me: It's not necessarily an abusive relationship - or at least not physically abusive. It's much more of an emotional abuse. Other people might not recognize it as toxic OR they could recognize it much earlier.
So here's my story:
I've been together with this guy for 13 months. We met in school, in Spanish class and he was like the "class clown". One day, mid-schoolyear he texted me on Facebook and immediately showed some interest in me. I was single and desperate at that point. He was a nice guy so we met up one day and on our first date he was really really nice and we talked about almost everything. One thing led to another and we made it official. It was my first relationship. Everything was fine, he had super nice parents and I still like his friends to this day (even though we're not really talking).
One day, he told me that he likes curvier girls - and when I say that I mean that he REALLY likes them. You see, I'm all about body positivity and loving your body the way it is but my ex literally forced me to eat unhealthy stuff. His vision for the future was that by the time we're married I'd weigh more than 200 KG.
I don't weigh myself regularly and I never had the healthiest lifestyle but he bought me tons of chocolate and chips that I should eat and even if I wasn't at his place, I should take the junk food home with me because he doesn't eat that.
And so I did. I ate the chocolates and I ate the chips and at one point I gained 10 kilos during our relationship. At one point, I started taking the chocolate to school and handing them out to my classmates and friends. I even threw away some (which I felt bad for because it was still good - just too much). I had to realize that NO ONE, not even my boyfriend is allowed to tell me what my body should look like.
That's part one, here comes part two:
My ex boyfriend yelled, a lot. He definitely has some major anger issues. He yelled at so many little things. (This might be TMI but ) Once I was on my period and I leaked a bit on his bedsheets and HE YELLED AT ME to change the bedsheets immediately. He yelled at me for having my period. He basically YELLED AT MY BODY functioning the way it should. It's not that I wouldn't have changed the bedsheets. It's the fact that HE YELLED AT ME. He always yelled at me. Or he yelled every time I was present. He got YELLED at his mom and even me for NOT COOKING PASTA THE WAY HE WANTED IT TO BE COOKED. (Like...what can go wrong with Pasta - besides it was not my kitchen and he didn't say please and thank you and I STILL COOKED IT FOR HIM)
Not only did he hate his parents but he even hated mine, without any specific reason. He never got to know my mother and somehow he didn't want anything to do with her (I mean YES, I was complaining about my parents from time to time but he didn't see it as a few complaints but rather as their personalities in total) He also hated my friends. He called them stupid and pathetic and to this day I still cannot understand why he did that.
Hating my friends is part of the next thing: he wanted to force me to quit my hobbies. That's something no one is allowed to force you to do. I get that my hobby was really time consuming and I understand that your boyfriend wants to spend time with you but he can't force you to quit something you enjoy doing because of that.
I was 17 when we started dating and at an early point in our relationship we had the "what-would-happen-if-I-got-pregnant"-discussion and he would've forced me to get an abortion and if I didn't want that he would leave and maybe even leave the country and quit all contact. In my opinion that should've been the first and last warning sign. If a guy can't deal with the possible consequences you shouldn't let him get that private time with you in the first place.
So here's a list of signs that showed ME that the relationship was toxic:
- He forced me to gain weight
- He yelled at me
- He didn't respect my parents
- He hated my friends
- He forced me to quit my hobbies
- He put himself above my education
- He would've forced me to get an abortion
Some honorable mentions include:
- He was childish (always farting and getting drunk at every party and just a disgusting guy when I'm looking back)
- He forced me to get a vaccine (my parents didn't vaccinate me; maybe it's better that I am vaccinated now but AGAIN that's not a thing someone should force you to do)
ATTENTION:
I know I'm making him sound like a monster but I had a reason why I stayed with him for that long. He tried to improve when I complained about some of the issues but to me, it was still too much. I hope that he learned something out of that situation and I still wish him the very best for his future but it's not going to be a future with me in it.
HOW I ENDEND THE RELATIONSHIP:
It was on a Friday that I actually wanted to break up with him but on that day he managed to wrap me around his finger that day. I actually broke up on the following Tuesday... I drove to him with my sister and told her that if I'm not back in 15 minutes she should ring the doorbell. It all ended then.
The rest is history.
I hope this more honest post can also help you, to share your story or maybe you are stuck in a similar situation. In that case I wish you the very best. You are worth so much!!!
It would be cool if you follow me on my social media pages:
YouTube
Tumblr
Lots of love to all of you,
Kommentare
Kommentar veröffentlichen